


brush stroke

by fruectose



Series: from the corners of my brain [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruectose/pseuds/fruectose
Summary: Mostly, they just paint in silence.
Series: from the corners of my brain [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826065
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	brush stroke

Mostly they just paint in silence.

Percy isn’t much of a talker and Rachel isn’t really a great listener so they make it work. Sometimes she lets him distract her with the way he holds his brush too tightly or sticks his tongue out a little bit when he focuses. Looking at him makes Rachel’s chest ache and her finger itch for her paintbrushes.

Percy Jackson is a work of art; beautiful in every possible way. Rachel knows that she can try. She can try to mimic the light that reflects off of his bright, green eyes and the faint frown lines already forming on his young forehead. If she works hard, she might be able to capture his delicate fingers and his soft, messy hair that’s gotten longer since the day she’d met him. There’s so many small things she likes to notice, to discover- about her newest friend. Like his all-too-sharp canines and the curve of his lips and the four hairs on his chin that he calls a beard.

But there’s something else about him, too- something he never lets her really see, something innate and warm and so _full_ \- something no artist in the world could hope to capture. She sees it sometimes, when he’s painting or explaining Greek mythology or walking past the Empire State Building. She thinks it might be pride. Pride in who he is and where he’s come from and maybe even a little bit where he’s going. Maybe a little bit of love, too. Love for the world around him and love for the small joys and love for precious life.

Rachel is a little bit in love.

It’s too bad, though, because every time she reaches for her paints, determined to capture the _Percy_ -ness of it all- she finds that she can’t. Give her all the colors in the world and every kind of paintbrush created by man and she’ll still know. There is no paper, canvas, glass or fabric that can hold the essence of Percy Jackson, much less her love for him.

He hums absently and she watches him drag his paintbrush over his canvas. She can’t see his easel, and he never shows her what he’s doing. All she knows is that he is currently using a pastel blue and that he’s been working on the same painting for weeks now. She thinks about how he’d told her a while ago that he wasn’t much of an artist. Once Rachel had got him to paint, he admitted it was an enjoyable pastime, even if he was really bad at it. The memory fills her chest, because that’s just it. It’s a _Percy_ thing to say, and _Percy_ thing to think, and she’s only known him a couple months but already she feels like something inside her has shifted.

Rachel settles for painting the sea. It’s the closest thing to Percy she can paint. She paints a calm day at the beach and then she paints a storm and every time she looks at Percy, she sees both in his eyes.

“Can I see what you’re painting?” Rachel asks. She asks him at least once every couple of days, and receives the same shake of the head. This time, Percy looks up at her.

“Okay.” He says. Rachel is surprised and curious, and it spurs her into action. She gets up and walks across her room to where Percy is sitting and peers at the canvas.

There’s no real hint that it’s her, but Rachel already knows.

Her heart is heavy while she studies Percy’s careful strokes. It’s a simple painting of… nothing- just gradients of grey with blue and white specks. There’s no context, but Rachel doesn’t need it. Percy looks at his masterpiece with something like adoration, and there is enough warmth in it for Rachel to see what Percy had left out.

“What is that?” She asks.

“Home.” Percy tells her. She’s not surprised, because she already knows, but it hurts to hear it out loud.

She feels her throat close up and her eyes sting because it’s just _not_ _fair_.

“Does she know?” Rachel asks. She half expects Percy to play dumb. Half hopes he does, for her sake. Instead, he looks at her dead in the eye.

“Yeah. She does.” He tells her. How could she not know? Even Rachel knows and Percy has gone this two months without so much as saying her name. He holds it so dear to him, terrified that if he speaks it out loud he might lose her to the world. Rachel saw it on the quest and she sees it now in Percy’s sad smile.

“Does she…” _Love you back_? Rachel wants desperately for the answer to be no. She wants Percy to tell her that he sees himself one day, no longer in love with her, maybe painting the greens of Rachel’s eyes instead. It’s cruel and selfish, but she wants Percy to hurt like she’s hurting now- if for no other reason than that she’ll know the right things to say to him.

Percy looks back at his painting and she wonders if maybe she’s been missing something this entire time. If maybe what makes it so difficult to capture all of Percy in a canvas isn’t the _Percy_ of him, but the _other_ girl. The part Rachel doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to paint.

“No.” He admits. His voice is so quiet, so hurt that Rachel thinks her heart might break all over again. She feels dirty for wishing that kind of pain on him.

“How could she not?”

“She loves… someone else.”

Rachel has seen the way she looks at him. Seen how even during a battle, she instinctively steps in front of him, ready to sacrifice herself for his safety. Percy is too busy being a hero, but Rachel- Rachel is mortal. Rachel notices. Only a fool would think she loves someone else.

“Have you asked her?” Rachel asks him. It’s stupid, even for her to think it, but she’d rather see Percy happy than in love with her. Percy shakes his head.

“I don’t need to.” He says. “I’ve heard all I need to. Besides, I’m probably going to die on my sixteenth birthday anyway.” He frowns. “Nobody ever tells me what it is I’m preparing for. I just- I can’t afford to be distracted at this point.”

“Aren’t you upset?” Rachel asks him. She’s upset. In every moment that Percy spends loving someone who isn’t her, she falls apart just a little more. How could Percy not be feeling the same way? He doesn’t answer immediately.

“It’s complicated, I think.” He says. “I mean- I’m upset, sure. But I just want her to be happy. And safe. Even if she’s chosen to love someone who’ll give her neither of those things- I think I love her enough to let her make those mistakes and pray for the best, anyway.”

“It’s not easy when you love someone who won’t love you back.” Rachel tells him. Percy meets her eye and she can’t tell if he knows her secret or if he’s distracted.

“No.” He agrees. “It isn’t.”


End file.
